From: Paul C.
To: M.
Sent: Sunday, May 06, 2007 2:41 PM
Subject: RE: Friendship, Rapport, and ...?

M. -

I doubt if confrontation is going to work. I do understand that paul, his mind, and all his connections with the external world are witnessable by Awareness. Therefore, they are not "going with me" upon the death of the mind. I realize that my wife or my fuzzy kitty aren't part of whatever it is that comprises Awareness. Anything observable is tied to the Observer. On the one hand, I see the Watcher looking outward at all the mind stuff. On the other hand, I'm conscious of the Watcher. I used to think that I could muscle my way behind the Awareness. I thought that with enough effort, I could glimpse backward through the Source and pop, there's the Absolute. But I recently saw (or was shown) that nothing is back there. Blackness. So, its a helluva quandary, isn't it? I feel like I'm still paul the Watcher, but now I don't know where to find Awareness. I can only surmise that Awareness doesn't need me to exist—but that's speculation, which leads only to blind alleys. It’s fruitless to define Awareness in terms of words and other mind-stuff. R often warned about trying to define God and strive towards It; rather, the reverse vector is the proper path.

In my message, when I said that I know "me," I'm talking about what I just said above. The "me" is the mind-junk that I witness, which as times becomes quite lucid when I just step back and Watch, and know that I Watch. The irony? The Process Observer and Awareness are key aspects of Jacobs Ladder, which I knew 22 years ago. In 1985, I believed that success in discovering the Absolute was directly proportional to following a rigorous discipline of celibacy, intense meditation, reading, fasting, etc. None of it was a waste of time, per se. I had to punch at the clouds to realize that Awareness of Awareness is all that's left to do.

Not many options, are there?

Paul