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Apr 4

Written by: Paul Constant
Saturday, April 4, 2009

From: Paul C.
To: M.
Sent: Tuesday, May 01, 2007 10:22 PM
Subject: RE: Friendship, Rapport, and ...?

M. -

I have doubts about most methodical techniques because I know all too painfully well how my mind works i.e., my habits, fears, moods, inclinations, etc. This isn't braggadocio, it's a statement about paul's laughable condition. Except for words that inspire, I know that confrontational methods meant to serve as "teachings" or a "system" have little impact on me anymore. I've spent a lifetime backing away one step at a time, all the while growing weary of the mind's tricks. I'm at the point where R said the seeker runs out of railroad tracks and now searches only for the right words that will trigger an accidental discovery of his Source. Sure, I'm blind to some aspects of paul, but I don't care to perfect that hopeless little personality of his anymore.

On the other hand, if you are talking about Transmission, then perhaps such an endeavor will open the door just a crack. I would at least like to entertain the thought that I would NOT resist out of fear, as I did 15 years ago in Rose's farmhouse living room. I just don't know what would happen today. I sure don't want to go back to the past, hoping and waiting for someone else to pop my head for a glimpse of Awareness without paul standing in the way. I got way too lazy around Rose. I should have spent the time propitiously, like you, exploring his mind rather than fearing his exploration of mine.

So, without knowing what you had in mind (no pun intended), I'm expressing up-front doubts about the options. Granted, I am tenacious, and certainly sensitive enough to enter rapport.


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